Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Rumble strips road head = magical
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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