We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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