I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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