she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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