My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
