Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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