One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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