Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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