Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize