my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize