i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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