Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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