i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize