your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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