we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize