i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
