singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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