yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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