I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
