I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
