Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
