You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You pole danced in your parka.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
