Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
