Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
