the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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