Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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