Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
