just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
