We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize