I can tuck mytits in my pants
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
