If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
