I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
