just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
