did you get engaged???
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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