Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
