thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
