I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
