Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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