Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
