I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
