I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
