she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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