I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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