Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
