It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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