need another drink. this is the easiest way
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
