this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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