Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
