I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
