my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
