You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
