I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
