maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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