I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
