Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
