is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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