I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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