there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
