I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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