and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
