Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
