Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
