I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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