I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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