Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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