What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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