Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
