There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you had me at cake vodka
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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