it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
