I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
