if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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