hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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