Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize