I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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